There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found the puke drawer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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