i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
