He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
