im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
