I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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