Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
