i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
