i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he thought i was a dude.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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