sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
