i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
