I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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