She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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