how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
