You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize