It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
