i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
