why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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