never play flip cup with pint glasses
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
