He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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