He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
