1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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