I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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