I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
