i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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