I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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