Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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