i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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