We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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