Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
