I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
