oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
