All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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