i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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