Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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