DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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