I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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