on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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