Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize