do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's blow job season.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
