Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
