me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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