i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
