what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
