filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
