If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
