it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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