i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
