shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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