I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize