They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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