is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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