I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
