never play flip cup with pint glasses
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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