I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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