I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize