ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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