fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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