I want to stick my p in your. b.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
