You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
