Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
