So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
