rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize