R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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