I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
