Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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