I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize