Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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