last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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