you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
