I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
