I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
