i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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