i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
