I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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