someone threw a dead crab at me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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