Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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