So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
