3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize