I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize