I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
