You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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