Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
