my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
