even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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