man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
