How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
