I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize