i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
