Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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