Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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