She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
