He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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