I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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