i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
