good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
