Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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