dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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