I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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