Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
