ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want her autograph on my taint
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
