If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
