Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
