The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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