I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
