I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize