You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
