This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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