checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
