I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
