How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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