and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
