sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
