Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to fling myself into the sun
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
