pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
