Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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