I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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