YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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