If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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